i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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