My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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