i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
im on a boat
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