best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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