you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
