I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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