Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
