Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
