actually, I'm a sock model
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
