i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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