no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
