I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize