i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Randomize
