oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
organizing the empties. That sober.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
