Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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