I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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