Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
