Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
