Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
