This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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