It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
