Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
