addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
