i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
