Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize