good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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