I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
