Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
two words...techno handjob
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
