I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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