yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
