oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
