My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this boner is exhausting
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
