He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
