Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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