wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
