I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
