worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
