I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
