I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
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It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
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Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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