Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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