i barfeds in our rink
We named our party play list daddy issues
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
