looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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