I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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