once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
