apparently the secret to your success is patron
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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