Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
