Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
