why didn't you poke me back
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
