i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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