complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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