I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
