Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
