Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
