i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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