A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
