everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
