Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
