dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
