I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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