3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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