I got chris browned last night
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
