please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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