All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
