kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
