Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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