This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
