I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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