i was born a porn star she said
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
