I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
