i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
is it fun? or sober?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
