Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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