I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm at about main and main street
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
