You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
