shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
