Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
