There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
