do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
