I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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