Tell her she can't have a vagina
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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