I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
