I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
