she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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