I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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